Today we’ll take a look at some of the real anxiety producing experiences kids face. Sometimes it’s hard for adults to relate to why these would be scary…like getting a haircut, for example. When anyone faces the unknown, their brain doesn’t like it and will quickly attempt to fill in those blanks from their catalog of experiences.
Sometimes I wish I had an indicator I could see that would give me a warning when I need to pause and recharge. As a parent, caregiver, teacher or whatever your role is with kids it can be easy to get burned out. I’d like to show you a tool I use for myself and the families I work with to help monitor this and to figure out what needs to happen to get back on track and those batteries fully charged again.
Have you ever been called in to your boss’s office? What about the principals office, when you were a kid? Or how about someone you care about saying the dreaded words “we need to talk”?
How does that feel? How much are you able to listen?
This is how your kids feel when you try to parent or discipline using intensity.
Once, when one of my sons was upset I tried to comfort him, but nothing was working. It was actually making it worse! No matter what I said or did it just escalated further. What the heck was going on?
At that moment, no degree, certification or letters after my name made any difference.
Most of us mean well, but it’s easy to miss the cues. Our kids may already be at a place where words and relational gestures will just cause a bigger issue. Or maybe you’ve felt like that yourself when others have tried to help you? Either way, let’s take a look at what’s called the “window of tolerance” to get an idea of when to help, how to do that and when to give space.
Although this graphic is aimed at trauma- this applies to stress in general.
I spend a lot of days getting put in jail, pretending to negotiate standoffs, battling monsters and villains. This is all part of kids processing feelings and experiences of anger, revenge, powerlessness (or figuring out how to be powerful). Does aggressive play mean kids will become more aggressive? How can you tell if it’s going too far? Should you let them do it?
Here’s my latest video helping to unpack what kinds of things happen in kids’ play.
Photo by Lavi Perchik on Unsplash
There is so much going on in play! It has tremendous power to heal, activate regions of the brain and show someone's worldview. Plato said “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than a year of conversation.” Fred Rogers said "Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood." This is what drew me to become a Play Therapist.
